End-of-life doula Diane Button distills lessons from the dying (from her practice and new book What Matters Most) showing how proximity to death sharpens priorities: people focus on connection, healing, spirituality, and being remembered, while everyday joys become more visible. Here are some of the takeaways:
Love and Relationships
Being with the people who matter; making sure they know they’re loved.
Being Remembered (Legacy)
Confidence that their life mattered—through stories, letters, recordings, photos, or the imprint they left on others.
Unfinished Business
Apologies, forgiveness, and repair—closing loops that have weighed on the heart for years.
Saying the Essential Words
“I love you.” “I’m sorry.” “Thank you.” “Goodbye.” Said plainly, to the right people.
Presence Over Productivity
Letting go of to-do lists and future worries; focusing on the person or moment in front of them.
Small Joys and Everyday Beauty
Sun on skin, a favourite song, a shared laugh—actively noticing and savouring micro-moments of joy.
Meaning and Coherence
Making sense of their story: the values they lived by, the contributions they made, what they stood for.
Spirituality (in whatever form fits)
Hope, practices, or beliefs that provide comfort and a larger frame for life and death.
Witnessing and Being Heard
Having their story received—without fixing or judging—so they feel seen and known.
Comfort and Dignity
Simple, humane care: touch, calm spaces, pain relief, autonomy in choices.
Time With the Right People
Prioritizing a smaller circle with deeper connection over broad social obligations.
Letting Go
Releasing what no longer serves—grudges, roles, or expectations—to meet the end with peace.
For more information you can read the article in the Greater Good Magazine or read Diane Button’s book.